In a world where we seek instant gratification, immediate success, demand validation and become dependent on quick visual graphics as tools for learning, it's no wonder we struggle with basic skills like reading, listening and even thought processing.
Video content is the most dominating form of content at the moment and people find anything over 7 minutes too long or they need to “make time”. Reading requires book clubs and incentives if it is not on a tablet and the number one reason given for audio books is that “I can listen and do other things at the same time”. Training ourselves to adjust to a world of always being on the go, not taking the time to do one thing before tackling the next and becoming lazy to read; we have lost the meaning of listening.
Listening in the true sense of the verb means to pay attention to what another voice is saying without giving your own opinions, thoughts or advice unless explicitly asked. We don’t practice this at all, or very often simply because we don't know how to anymore. We do know how to give an opinion, express a thought or give advice because we want to be heard. We feel we are important to be heard by someone else, but we aren’t equipped to understand the art of listening. Just as how we want to be heard by giving our thoughts and opinions on another person’s story, have we stopped to consider the other person is aiming to do the exact same thing? They want to be heard as well. Not given advice, opinions or thoughts they just want someone to listen to what they have to express.
Does this sound familiar? As a Millennial whose occupation relies heavily in the arts and entertainment world, social media and various forms of communication are key in getting work in this industry. It becomes a challenge and is frustrating when you need to give instructions or speak to someone and they aren’t fully comprehending what you are trying to articulate.
The Art of Listening
is a very simple loop of one person wanting the other person to hear them out, understand, and process them before that person speaks allowing the first person to play the role of the listener. The Millenial’s Art of Listening however doesn’t exactly follow the loop. The proverb “ Think before you speak” is indirectly telling us to listen to the external conversation as well as the internal conversation. The Internal conversation is what we have within ourselves. It is what we are doing when we are ignoring the person talking to us and not truly grasping what they are saying. Usually, you know you are doing this when you want to reply before their sentences are done, or before they are finished. This happens because you feel you already know what you need to tell them. However, if we quiet the internal chatter, and stop having the internal conversations, we can actually give our all externally and when it is our turn to speak we do with such love and conviction that the other person feels respect.
Another challenge, as Millennials, we face is believing and telling ourselves that we have a difficult time paying attention to listening fully to others because we suffer from ADD or ADHD. Now not taking that away if someone in the true sense of the word suffers from this mental illness but otherwise, most of us have self-created this illusion of having ADD as we try and do everything instead of focusing on one thing at a time. We have gotten so used to proving ourselves to others, and allowing the negative effects of social media to consume us that we have forgotten what it is like to take a step back and focus on one task/ goal/ objective at a time. We tell ourselves and others we want to do everything and in the process of trying to achieve that we cut corners in our own development and social skills.
Listening is a simple circle of hearing and responding. It isn’t difficult but as a society as a whole, we have lost the magic touch as a generational race took over. But if we slow down, take a step back and relearn the skills we have, we might just make a difference in our own lives as well as others.
Some simple ways (from experience) to incorporate mindfulness practices to help us be better listeners are to:
Mediate - it is not a buzzword anymore, there are several guided meditations that help us dim down the inner chatter and quiet the mind so we can focus
Hot Yoga- Yoga overall helps the body circulation, flow, and breathing but I personally find with hot yoga I have to pay attention to the instructions while sweating away in a heated room. This forces me to train my mind to listen entirely to what the instructor is saying and practice that instead of having a wandering mind.
Dance- When we have to learn something new that requires mind and body coordination we have to listen and pay attention to the other person and ourselves. This is one of the most effective ways in training the mind to listen without interruption, internal chatter, and to really process what is being said.
Rashi Bindra is an award-winning fashion consultant, stylist, and co-host of a podcast focusing on style and lifestyle. She is the creator of *Ignite Your Inner Sparkle*, co-produced Tedx Unionville, as well as been a guest speaker for several women groups.
Connect with Rashi:
creative@rashibindra.com